my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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