Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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