so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
