i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
