dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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