garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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