I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
