in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
