I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
