So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
