some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
