Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
your room smells of hookers.
And success
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
