I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
