The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
