I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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