I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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