Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
