Can i not drive my cunt home
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
