I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He? As in you personified your dick?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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