I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
