I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize