4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
