Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
