I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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