i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
