I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
jump out the window naked night went bad
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