Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
