I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
