Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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