yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
