so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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