Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
