can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
