there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you had me at cake vodka
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
