Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize