I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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