no, he came in my armpit
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
