There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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