Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
