My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
