My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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