dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
