How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
