I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
