you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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