Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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