felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
