So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
