I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
