i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
