my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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