Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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