Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude i'm inner monologue high
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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