kristin has been a bad kristin
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's get the cat blown out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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