She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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