no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
