you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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