honey bunches of taint.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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